rubber and glue and the Midlife 5 blues

If you’re a woman and over 40, this one’s for you

You know that pithy jingle of childhood: “I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever I say bounces off me and sticks to you”?

That keeps bouncing about in my head to describe the Midlife 5. Those stubborn 5 pounds that cling to the midriff or tush for dear life. Refusing to let go. Being the glue to your rubber.

Now, I’m not overweight. I’m fit – though I’ve been fitter – and petite. Thus while the adding or subtracting of several pounds may be imperceptible to the public eye, for me, they’re anything but. Butt.

A week before my birthday a week ago, my poor health took a nosedive. Between that and my imminent birthday, I decided to get seriously focused and disciplined about diet. As it was, while it wasn’t bad, there was definitely room for tweakings and improvement.

I also set my mind to shedding those Midlife 5. Those “I’m Rubber and You’re Glue” pounds that creep up and stay put with the stubbornness of the pothead lazy loafer nephew on the couch staring at the TV, hand perpetually in a Doritos bag, refusing to get up and go get a job. (caveat: in a normal healthy capitalist economy)

For sure the Midlife 5 is fed by age. Let me tell you ladies who aren’t there yet. The myth about those pounds being an entity with a mind and force of its own is no myth.

It’s also my lifestyle. It’s more sedentary than it has ever been. I’ve always been highly active tomboy. However, some 2-1/2 years of unemployment, poverty, life-obliterating depression, health problems induced by months of seamless gray damp dreariness, the isolation of joblessness and other stuff that would kill a lesser soul have taken their toll.

And served as open invitation to 5 pounds.

At this stage and age, the secret to prying them off is proving to be: an allotment of three lettuce leaves. A week.

I set a target of shedding those 4 or 5 pounds by month’s end (over a 3-week period). No rush. No pressure. Through disciplined, healthful and nutritional and regular eating (irregular eating being my major pitfall). It’s not like I’m preparing for my high school reunion or anything.

So how’s it progressing?

Better to ask how quickly does a snail complete a quarter mile around the track.

The pounds surely don’t fly off like they used to. I’m about halfway there.

I’ll continue advancing forward, even as the stubborn Midlife 5 croon and taunt in the background: “I’m rubber and you’re glue … whatever I say bounces back and sticks on you.”

They may have age as their weapon. But I’ve got mine too:

Oomph Glue Remover



4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karyn @ kloppenmum
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 00:41:38

    Mine is more than 5 pounds, and I’m not even going to try to get rid of it until after Easter…no it’s not the chocolate (although quite like that) it’s the damned Hot Cross Buns they started selling in January!
    I lost 10kg last year, that’s 22 pounds in American (tee hee), but need to do the same this year. sigh. Glue remover needed here too!


    • allycatadventures
      Mar 23, 2011 @ 12:16:01

      @Klopp – Best dump those pounds sooner than later, babe, ’cause it don’t get no friggin’ easier under Father Time!

      And it’s true about the last 5 being the hardest to lose. When there’s a lot to drop, the pounds – or kilograms 🙂 – fly off. You read about obese folks dropping 10 pounds a week and maybe enviously groan “why can’t I” as you use the crowbar to pry off a mere pound in seven days! Good work on last year’s weight loss. Now hop* to the remainder!
      *shameless wordplay off the Easter reference


  2. lexiemom
    Mar 23, 2011 @ 17:03:54

    Ha! Ha! I can SO relate! Although, mine’s more like 15, and I’ve never been petite. Short yes, petite no.


    • allycatadventures
      Mar 23, 2011 @ 18:21:43

      @lexiemom – Thanks for popping in! I still remember celebrating the widespread introduction of petite departments and clothing oh so many years ago. Not only do the clothes fit better but they eliminate those hemming hassles!


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