a parting, for now.

I’m angry with my blog readership as a whole. Perturbed, irritated and annoyed. I’ve spent the best part of five years investing in a plot of cyberspace giving of myself, more importantly my self expressed in writing.

I’ve crafted and recrafted posts, including those on a “mundane” topic, tweaked and honed and gone into old posts just to correct a typo to offer and maintain a standard of quality. I’ve given of myself, viewing the blog as first as a space to write and secondly, and no less importantly, as a space to engage with you, the readers.

Writing to a wall is as uplifting as watching the paint on it dry.

I pay a modicum of mind to the stats, referring to them as a gauge of growth. Of course I want my blog to grow and thrive. Of course I’m happy when my writing is supported by a following readership. Of course my spirits are buoyed by comments. They signal that there’s someone alive on the other side of the wall.

It’s true that the stats are misleading. They do not tell the entire story. They may show 100 readers on any given day. What they don’t tell is whether those readers actually read a post. They may’ve clicked “read” in their reader or deleted the emailed post or any other number of actions that relay the false impression that your post was read.

This blog is hardly the source of delight and pleasure it was in a former era of community and lively interaction. It’s limping along, drained of its vitality a little more with each encounter with readership silence. On my birthday, I received three wishes. Each very appreciated. What of the dozens of other readers? Do they lack the courtesy or inclination to extend a wish? Or did they not read the post (per misleading nature of stats)?

I received more birthday wishes on the (standardized) company card signed by employees I don’t even know than on a blog I’ve tended and nurtured for five years. That is a statement sad and sorrowful.

Perhaps I need to find a new circle of bloggers, those invested in and committed to their blogs and a lively and dynamic interchanges.

Perhaps I need to do what I’ve long suspected but haven’t quite garnered up the courage and will: pull the plug.

Too much of my time, energy, crafting and self are invested in and imbued herein to endure this path as a cripple limping a path in the blogosphere.
And while I don’t write because I need readers, readers are integral to the process, more precisely readers who make their presence known.

Writing into the void and to a wall of silence has never been my cup of tea; in truth, it wasn’t because of but despite the wall of isolation, imposed upon me in childhood and still a cross I bear in pain and sorrow, that I began to write so very young.

And somewhere along the way, I couldn’t pinpoint when or why or how, it came clear that I could no longer write in an isolation tank — not happily anyhow. That writing needed to take place in a field of growth and opportunity and interaction with other souls and human beings.

This patch of cyberspace, as much as it contains my heart and soul and very very best efforts and gifts of self consistently shared over the years, is not the lush fertile field desired and sought.

Too many readers saying too little leaves me like the duck in a desert.

It’s time to step away and contemplate matters present and future. It may be time to pull the plug; now’s not the time to make that decision. And capra: despite appearances, I’ve not forgotten the 5 Year numerology post. Just not found a report I like and when I do I’ll slap it up here!

For now, on day 19 of March,

Selamat tinggal (Malay)
Mingh nziaauc oc (Laos)
Zayt gesunt (Yiddish)
Bayartai (Mongolian)
Sayonara.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. trayflow
    Mar 19, 2012 @ 14:59:41

    Don’t pull the plug! (I do understand your frustration!) And, a belated Happy Birthday. I always read your posts but don’t always get a chance to reply, unfortunately.

    Reply

  2. cruisekitten
    Mar 19, 2012 @ 17:07:22

    I feel your frustration. I continue to read and try to remember to comment to show you I am here.
    In the end, you need to do what is right for you, but if you do decide to ‘pull the plug’ I, for one, will miss your gifts waiting in my inbox.

    (hugs)

    Reply

  3. lexiemom
    Mar 29, 2012 @ 23:12:31

    “This blog is hardly the source of delight and pleasure it was in a former era of community and lively interaction.”

    Do I detect a modicum of wistfulness for the Vox that was?

    Reply

    • allycatadventures
      Apr 03, 2012 @ 16:42:59

      @lexiemom – “Do I detect a modicum of wistfulness for the Vox that was?” No. (WP is comparatively the superior platform.) I miss the blogging community spirit.

      Reply

      • lexiemom
        Apr 06, 2012 @ 16:07:59

        It is the community of which I queried, not the platform. And yes, I miss the blog community too. I feel very isolated at WP that I didn’t feel at Vox.

        Reply

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