I’m down and blue.
I followed my heart, here at my current residence. It is not home. However, it is temporary refuge and respite from the world, a place of safety, a place to which I can return and be safe. This is BIG.
I very much like the house itself and looove the location. And the rent is affordable in my little budget. Its location is primary, lying smack dab between work and my extracurricular activites and goings-about; it can’t be beat. Even the commute through snow and ice is doable since it’s along the major roads that are cleared during storms.
I tried but my time is up. I tried and tried. I spoke at length and from the heart with Daniel the owner. I shared, among other things, on the difficulty of moving during the holidays, of my need to enjoy Christmas and my first Christmas in Colorado and to imbibe of the sacredness and solemnity of the season.
I told him that it is the dark time.
I presumed he understood what the dark time means: the time of year when the nights are long and the days short and nature and we too come to rest, retreat and reflection.
He thought by dark that I meant depressed; he wasn’t aware of its meaning in cycles, psyche and rhythms.
I’ve always been smartly cynical and suspicious of people who claim to be men of God and adherents to Christian principles and doctrines because, as a friend pointed out, they usually aren’t.
Experience already reveals Daniel as a man not of his word.
Unfortunatley, I am.
Distilled to its essence, therein lies our disagreements reason for the crossroads in matters of my moving.
People with the power (including the power to dictate moves) are dictating my life stream.
I went to bat for myself, for what I know to be right and true and for my good. I tried, I truly tried. I lost.
I’ll be lifting my emerging roots in a move I wish not to make for another tent of unknown destination five days after Christmas, during the stillness of the dark season.
I do not mean depressed.
Five residences; a new address averaging every month.
I am down and blue.
And clearly need to keep a large supply of Change of Address Forms in the drawer like so many spoons and socks.