Out, damned spot! And spaghetti!

He’s omnipresent. He’s foul. He’s an encrusted science project of 1914.

Meet the Beast of the Bachelor Pad:

Today I suit up to tackle him and eliminate the wretched prevailing odor that slams you in the face when you enter the house.

When I moved in, I tossed what little food I had onto the bottom shelf while holding my breath. I’ve been holding it since. I can’t bring myself to cook or consume food associated with that stench.

So let’s sample a few of the choicer highlights. (P.S. That’s Atticus there at the bottom, a bigger man than I.)

Pretty standard:

Don’t even wanna know what’s in that bag:

Unless he’s in a side business of pickling peppers, of which there’s no evidence, that’s gotta go:

It ain’t a bachelor pad without the 5-gallon kettle:

and spaghetti from two weeks ago:

It’s a guy thing.

And my personal favorite:

It ain’t the soda that’s been in there a hundred years. Or the gooey sticky gunk. It’s the single hair that’s the Yuck Gross!

BTW, to be clear, when I said suit up, I don’t mean by Ralph (a word charmingly appropo today):

rather:

I’m goin’ in for battle with the words of the venerable General Patton on my lips:

“A piece of spaghetti or a military unit can only be led from the front end.”

I’ll tug thrice on the rope if the canary doesn’t make it.

And never eyeball spaghetti with innocence again. Not to mention McDonald’s sodas. {shudder}

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12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. katie
    Nov 15, 2011 @ 16:11:17

    That sort of thing is why I make myself clean out my fridge every so often. I threw up in my mouth a little…OK a lot..

    Reply

    • allycatadventures
      Nov 15, 2011 @ 21:02:47

      @katie- lol. I keep a fridge spotless. The sight and smell of decayed food is enough to put one off eating for a good while. In fact, there’s a book out to that effect: The Decay Diet. Lose 10 Pounds and Bring a Shine to the Fridge Too. We Mean It.

      Next best seller on amazon!

      Reply

  2. Flamingo Dancer
    Nov 16, 2011 @ 00:48:05

    May the force be with you! You are a braver woman than I!

    Reply

  3. inaformerlifeanexpat
    Nov 17, 2011 @ 04:11:47

    Its not crud, its man character. 🙂

    Reply

  4. fotografzahl
    Nov 17, 2011 @ 07:53:02

    My goodness, this really IS disgusting…

    Reply

  5. trailblazer1
    Nov 17, 2011 @ 14:36:06

    Hubby eats all leftovers, never a mold or disgusting piece of anything left. Well, maybe a piece of lettuce which has found itself missing in action and slimed its way between, or behind the hydrator.

    Reply

  6. Anonymous
    Nov 18, 2011 @ 15:25:02

    LOL!!! I feel your pain regarding the fridge! I used to clean out the fridge at my old office once a month for free just because I couldn’t take it. I know I’d never be able to live with that nasty thing you’re living with right now. If I were you, I’m pretty sure, next to the toilets & bath, its the first thing I would’ve had to clean in the common areas moving in there…

    Reply

    • allycatadventures
      Nov 19, 2011 @ 10:16:52

      @Anonymous – Hey, is there another addy? Anonymous seems so, well, anonymous. 😉 Ohhh yeah, the bathroom was the very first place where I took the cleaning plunge. (Ewww, sounds kinda gross.) A lotta work yet not nearly as “picturesque” as the fridge. I also scrubbed inside and outside every cupboard and drawer space. All told, I was at it 7 hours. People pay good money for deep cleans like that! I look at it as a service to the house, a needed service for the residents and the only way that I can live and in this case eat from that fridge (though those GROSS visuals will long be with me).

      I hear ya about work fridges. You gotta pick your battles; in the case of those, I pick the least little bacteria-infected spot for storing a lunchbox — made of high-quality stainless steel with a 9-digit combination lock that only I know of course. 😉

      Reply

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