Leave me something to breathe! (We’re all going to die without!)*

Crystal clear it is. I must move.

Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. However, within months.

Before I can move, other elements must come into place. Until then, I’m going nowhere — except outdoors, primarily, or away from the house, secondarily.

The place is ruining my health. My long-weakened and vulnerable respiratory system is in the caution zone and teetering on the red zone. It’s a matter of time, short, until I fall very ill.

It is due to the toxic cloud in the house from a roommate’s robust smoking.

This morning while brewing coffee, I became conscious of doing something odd and not good for body, mind and health. I was holding my breath, trying not to breathe because breathing in the house hurts my lungs. They feel constricted, tight and painfully struggling for and deprived of oxygen

Yesterday for the first time I rode in roommate Marcy’s car (she being the fulltime smoker). I nearly passed out. The interior reeked of years of stale smoke. I immediately rolled down the window and restrained the temptation to jump out saying, “I’ll take my own car and meet you there.”

I’m not making light of the situation, rather acknowledging that it is growing into one dire and with one and only one solution: move. Any and all positives about the place must be moved aside and to the back seat for I know my health intimately and perceive when it is endangered.

I keep my bedroom window open, fan going and door closed most of the time to preserve a 10-by-10-foot enclosure of clean air for myself in a house polluted from ceilings to floor and corner to corner by a decade+ of cigarette smoke.

When I emerge in the morning, that first inhalation of poison is … repulsive. All body cells fire off “illness! illness! Can’t breathe! Can’t breathe!” I want to flee entirely. But I can’t. I want to breathe deeply. But I won’t. I want to breathe. Period.

Thus I will move when the elements align to make it possible. This is a priority front-burner issue. Until that time, I’ve undertaken certain measures so that when I do leave, it’s not on a stretcher with bronchitis, pneumonia and other respiratory diseases en route to a hospital.

For a (dare I say) light closing, wanna hear something made amusing by its illogic? The other day while I was in my room, burning a stick of incense with door ajar, the Smoker pproached and announced she was closing my door, the incense was bothering her.

She who smokes from morning to night!

Go find explanation in that if you can and when you do, lemme know ’cause it leaves me fucking confused!

End of post, health and lungs until the home situation is altered …

Kate Bush: "Breathing" from "Never For Ever"

* from “Breathing,” a song in part about a fetus absorbing nicotine through the mother’s smoking, by Kate Bush

“What are we going to do without?”
Ooh please!
“What are we going to do without?”
Let me breathe!
“What are we going to do without?”
Ooh, Quick!
“We are all going to die without!”
Breathe in deep!
“What are we going to die without?”
Leave me something to breathe!
“We are all going to die without!”
Oh, leave me something to breathe!
“What are we going to do without?”
Oh, God, please leave us something to breathe!”
“We are all going to die without”
Oh, life is



6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. fotografzahl
    Sep 12, 2011 @ 01:36:29

    Oh, I understand you all too well…
    If you get this smell in the morning already (as a non-smoker) it is totally disgusting.
    In Germany it is still a smoker’s paradise (well, at least compared to other countries; the smokers here would say otherwise, of course), although things have changed here as well recently.

    Anyway, health comes first and I guess this has now priority over finding a job…


    • allycatadventures
      Sep 12, 2011 @ 10:22:08

      @fofografhzl – Yeah, Germany and Japan both (plus other countries), smokers’ paradises. What I was stuck by arriving in Colorado, with its abundant outdoor lifestyles year ’round and prevalence of fitness and trim figures, was the amount of smokers! Many many many! Quite perplexing and incongruent in a population sooo adoring of the outdoors and healthful activities! And to be clear, employment is dead-on Number One priority. (“Dead” – perhaps not the best word to use after discussion of smokers. 🙂 )


  2. aubrey
    Sep 12, 2011 @ 02:55:51

    Stale cigarette smoke is beyond vile…

    But surely your foolish roommate knows of your discomfort? And yet she still does nothing? What’s wrong with people!?


  3. Flamingo Dancer
    Sep 12, 2011 @ 03:09:03

    I hope that you can move sooner rather than later, especially with winter coming on.


    • allycatadventures
      Sep 12, 2011 @ 10:25:28

      @FD – Yes, moving in the dark and cold and snow of winter has its challenges. To my recollection, not one of my some 40 moves has been in winter with a fully-car skating across town so perhaps I’m due. 😉


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