Metrosexuals hang tight. No ifs, ands or but(t)s.

A disturbing item made the airwaves this morning.

One apolitical despite the dateline: Washington, D.C. (where there’s no dearth of disturbing).

Skinny jeans are in.

For men.

Uh huh, they’re all the rage now with metrosexuals (others too?). And since skinny jeans are, uh, big in the nation’s capitol, which I loosely (oh don’t I wish) recall is a fashion center, these may very well be, um, expanding elsewhere.

And this unpaid ace reporter, in a rare case of curiosity restrained and constrained, ain’t gonna probe for a leg up on this story.

I’ll be {ahem} upfront: The segment of the male population, metrosexual or otherwise, that can carry off this look is slim. Mostly models and fit trim slender physiques and the occasional drug addicts and emaciated rock stars.

Personally, I’ve always thought that Sid Vicious — RIP — did skinny jeans with aplomb.

Most, on the other hand, would do better in that other hot fashion:

So I seriously ask you: Which would you rather see, that or the wrong guys in body-hugging painted-on jeans?

BTW, I’ve not exactly figured out how they get their man feet through the narrow cuffs. Unless the cuffs have little zippers. And I don’t even wanna go there ’cause now we’re talkin’ like the same girls’ 6X jeans my deeply fashions-stunted grandmother gave me and my sister at Christmas. When we were 8 and 6. Again at 9 and 7. Then 10 and 8. 11 and 9 …

There’s more to this story. You might call it a package deal. With the skinny jeans trend has, uh, risen this one: bracelets. Manacles they’re called.

Not the thin single understated silver ones that IMHO look really good on certain male wrists. These manacles are the woven rainbow friendship bracelets and ropey creations that we made in summer camp.

And they’re worn not one or two around the wrist. No. They’re donned by the dozen. And metros ain’t necessarily taking ’em off either. Not for bathing. Not for bed. Not for nuthin’.

So hold those images — male bodies squeezed into skinny jeans spreading through the streets of Washington, D.C. and perhaps coming to your neighborhood and wrists drecorated in a bounty of bacteria-breeding bracelets — as you take your next bite of a meal. Then the next. And the next.

You too’ll be fitting into skinny jeans in no time.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. longeyesamurai
    Aug 27, 2011 @ 14:36:00

    I think it’s called man-acles, but I could be wrong. LOL

    So I guess that’s why Irene is travelling up the East Coast, ridding the world of abherrant fashion. If it (she?) can take away sweatpants and sweatbands, then it will all be for good.

    Reply

    • allycatadventures
      Aug 27, 2011 @ 15:04:17

      @Capra – Looked it up. Manacle. Goes to show how ignorant of and uninvolved I am in world and language of metros! Afraid Irene won’t rid the capitol city of the fashion as reportedly it’s new. I could be completely wrong. And have no problem being so when the fashion world’s concerned! – 😀 😀

      Reply

  2. Cimmorene
    Aug 28, 2011 @ 08:13:55

    In that last photograph, both men look like they are having a pee, because their pants are so far down and the man on the left has his shirt hiked up his torso.

    Reply

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