It’s not that I’m map illiterate.
It’s that the Denver map is so damn huge and unwieldy and dense — don’t believe me? look! — that often it’s an unworkable unmanageable albatross … one ya wanna heave out the window of a speeding vehicle into the wind!
Lemme describe a typical Day in the Life of Denver with neither GPS nor smart phone:
1. Know in advance every destination of the day before leaving the house.
2. Google map each route.
3. Pen the place name and address in a small spiral notebook THAT I CARRY WITH AT ALL TIMES. This is the Book According to Google. My bible.
5. Protect the bible with my very life. God forbid I lose it — the odds of which run .0000000002% — ’cause then I’m toast.
Totally Turned-Around Toast.
6. Do not deviate from the day’s google-mapped routes. I may never make it back; in the event I do, it’s only after two anguishing hours off course to arrive at a destination that’d take a native or GPS or Smart Phone-endowed individual 20 minutes.
P.S. No page of directions is ever torn outta The Book According to Google in case I revisit the location.
Making no move without Google maps is exhausting and crimping. It’s rigid living
I’m also required to have my laptop much of the time if there’s a chance my day’s activity will extend beyond the premapped point A to B.
Say I’m at the market.
Say I wanna go to a bookstore. A post office. A pub. A highly desirable destination when one’s every movement is bound and shackled by Google mapping or lack thereoff.
In this example, I need to drive around to find a Wi-Fi cafe. Set up the laptop. Google map, say, post offices. Sift through the hits. Determine a destination. Record street names and directions in the Holy Notebook. Pack up the laptop. Go.
I ask you, is this any way to live?
I tell you: NO. MORE!
Yesterday a package from my sister arrived.
Then … wait for it … wait for it …
Yes, ladies and gents, I am now the ECSTATIC owner of a GPS!!!!!!!
Over the moon!!
This is one of the BEST gifts I’ve ever received!
A gift sent by someone (my sister) who obviously has either been here or is somehow familiar with “the seemingly endless amount of streets in Denver.”
Her words in her card. Because I said not a peep about the roads here or the struggles.
I am soooo jazzed! Like a boy with his new toy, I cannot WAIT to pout my GPS to use!
My Garmin nuvi 1200.
Ohhhhhh I do love how those words roll off the tongue! …. and will assist in rolling through town.
I’m free! Free of the shackles and laptop at every turn! Free to drive unencumbered and off the predetermined course!
Free to find that burger dive … that Costco … that dentist … that government office … that LIBRARY!!! … that meeting spot … a museum … a brewpub … a park … why, the possibilities are endless … the ease of travel and freedom mind-boggling!
And with God as my witness, I shall never be left lost turned around upside down and sobbing into my steering wheel again!
As for that monster of a paper thing called a Denver map — one that btw after one month of use is as dog-earred and torn and taped up as to be 100 years — I do notice the dining room table’s looking a tad underdressed …