thoughts from the pages

My old not friend depression is back visiting.

Depression generated by frustration, worry and loneliness arising from the lack of local friendships, support or both.

Blogging too, a home away from home or more aptly my only worldly home, is not the interactive community it once was or that I wish and need it to be.

I’ll admit that in these past few days, I’ve been considering “joining the club” — a rare inclination indeed — and stopping. It’s tempting for after five years, neither the numbers nor dynamics are present or as envisioned or desired.

There’s much that Tacoma/Washington taught me; primary is to walk away. Walk away from that which is not supporting or yielding fruits of efforts. The dead horse cannot be revived … a garden in the desert will not yield roses and all that.

Does blogging fall under that teaching?

Specific to blogging, in honesty, it’s been hard to undergo and share this magnificent life-changing transition and transformation and receive a dearth of rallying support from the troops.

A few have chimed in theirs and that’s meant a lot. I’ve been disappointed. I thought I’d articulated the significance and importance of this move. Did I fail in conveying it or did the readers/peeps fail in response? (I bristle at the word “fail” yet can’t think of the better way to express it at the moment.) Either way, I’m blue today.

Comments, particularly those insightful that show a reader is listening and paying attention and following along, do make for joyful blogging and a dynamic community and experience. No more to say beyond that at the moment.

One positive piece of news: Persistence seems to have paid off. Justin will be showing his rental room to me this afternoon. (He even called to let me know that he couldn’t make the appointment and to reschedule for two hours later, in a rare Denver display of responsiveness and responsibility!)

The rent is affordable (within my budget) and the location ideal and desired — right down the street from the gorgeous Washington Park!!! Wouldn’t it be a bizarre hoot if I end up just down the street from a park, like my last residence, AND near one named of all names Washington?!

Freak coincidence — nothing more!

Update: Justin is a no-show and no-call. After two attempts, I finally reach him. His girlfriend might be moving back in so the rental is off. {Thanks for standing me up and letting me know … grrrrr 😦 😦 😦 😦 }

Yes, securing housing will take a load of pressure off, particularly financially. I need divine assistance to end this spine-breaking destruction to the finances AND to gain a footing.

Denver’s been a hard landing. Some cushioning and relief are needed and would do me a world of good (hint hint to the guys ‘n’ gals above).

As for the blog, I won’t close up shop yet but will keep the option open. I gain so much enjoyment and pleasure in interactive exchanges and it just ain’t happenin’ ‘round those parts. Guess the numbers have fled to Twitter and Facebook, begging the question: Do people find pleasure in full words, sentences and paragraphs any longer?!?

P.S. Finances dictated that I call off today’s scheduled root canal. A real bummer ‘cause this molar is, and has been, screaming for treatment for a long time.

September. If I can just get through July and August, this rocky lonely discombobulated period of uncertainty, fear, worry, anxiety and unanswered questions, I’ll be ok.

As for the blog, dunno …

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