thoughts from the pages

My old not friend depression is back visiting.

Depression generated by frustration, worry and loneliness arising from the lack of local friendships, support or both.

Blogging too, a home away from home or more aptly my only worldly home, is not the interactive community it once was or that I wish and need it to be.

I’ll admit that in these past few days, I’ve been considering “joining the club” — a rare inclination indeed — and stopping. It’s tempting for after five years, neither the numbers nor dynamics are present or as envisioned or desired.

There’s much that Tacoma/Washington taught me; primary is to walk away. Walk away from that which is not supporting or yielding fruits of efforts. The dead horse cannot be revived … a garden in the desert will not yield roses and all that.

Does blogging fall under that teaching?

Specific to blogging, in honesty, it’s been hard to undergo and share this magnificent life-changing transition and transformation and receive a dearth of rallying support from the troops.

A few have chimed in theirs and that’s meant a lot. I’ve been disappointed. I thought I’d articulated the significance and importance of this move. Did I fail in conveying it or did the readers/peeps fail in response? (I bristle at the word “fail” yet can’t think of the better way to express it at the moment.) Either way, I’m blue today.

Comments, particularly those insightful that show a reader is listening and paying attention and following along, do make for joyful blogging and a dynamic community and experience. No more to say beyond that at the moment.

One positive piece of news: Persistence seems to have paid off. Justin will be showing his rental room to me this afternoon. (He even called to let me know that he couldn’t make the appointment and to reschedule for two hours later, in a rare Denver display of responsiveness and responsibility!)

The rent is affordable (within my budget) and the location ideal and desired — right down the street from the gorgeous Washington Park!!! Wouldn’t it be a bizarre hoot if I end up just down the street from a park, like my last residence, AND near one named of all names Washington?!

Freak coincidence — nothing more!

Update: Justin is a no-show and no-call. After two attempts, I finally reach him. His girlfriend might be moving back in so the rental is off. {Thanks for standing me up and letting me know … grrrrr 😦 😦 😦 😦 }

Yes, securing housing will take a load of pressure off, particularly financially. I need divine assistance to end this spine-breaking destruction to the finances AND to gain a footing.

Denver’s been a hard landing. Some cushioning and relief are needed and would do me a world of good (hint hint to the guys ‘n’ gals above).

As for the blog, I won’t close up shop yet but will keep the option open. I gain so much enjoyment and pleasure in interactive exchanges and it just ain’t happenin’ ‘round those parts. Guess the numbers have fled to Twitter and Facebook, begging the question: Do people find pleasure in full words, sentences and paragraphs any longer?!?

P.S. Finances dictated that I call off today’s scheduled root canal. A real bummer ‘cause this molar is, and has been, screaming for treatment for a long time.

September. If I can just get through July and August, this rocky lonely discombobulated period of uncertainty, fear, worry, anxiety and unanswered questions, I’ll be ok.

As for the blog, dunno …


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. fatcatfromvox
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 11:58:56

    Sorry to hear that your not-friend is back visiting, hope he gets the memo that he is unwelcome and leaves very soon.
    Might it be the tooth ache and all the strains it brings with it (pain, lack of sleep, worry) the opened the door all the way for him? Hope you’ll be able to get the tooth fixed sooner rather than later, it is *not* a good thing to leave be (but you know that).

    As for the blogging…goes around comes around? Do you comment a lot on other people’s blogs? Could it be that people have become unsubscribed to your posts, that glitch has happened quite a few times around WP….Maybe it is just the summer funk – and a bunch of us are messing about on google+ (I don’t think I like it-too noisy), lemme know if you need an invite (I’m completely confused as to who is who on there as so many have other/real names on there, so sorry if I’ve already circled you and don’t seem to know it! 😉 )

    Anyways, hope the world sends some sunshine and tooth-fixing money your way real soon! Hope you keep blogging!


  2. allycatadventures
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 12:39:44

    @fatcat – Thanks for commenting. While the diseased molar brings no fun to the party, the financial duress coupled with lack of residence are the big inviters of depression. As for your blog, I’ve tried without success to subscribe to it via Google reader (the sole subscription service I prefer and utilize). Not sure why that is since evidently I can subscribe via email.
    Do I comment on blogs? Probably more than most people like! – haha. Lurking has its place and there are some blogs where I prefer it for whatever reason; generally, however, lurking’s not done routinely.


  3. fatcatfromvox
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 14:03:22

    I think someone said something once (very clear and consise now :p ) about the Google reader not working on private blogs (like mine is), maybe that’s it. But I didn’t mean specifically on my blog, and I certainly wasn’t trying to put “blame” anywhere though – just throwing out some suggestions as to why there is such a decrease in comments these days – I see it both on my own blog and with the other peeps as well. Hope you get a nice place to stay sorted out soon, good luck!


  4. trayflow
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 14:13:13

    I actually look forward to reading your blog, and have for a while. I don’t often comment because of my current lack of focus and time. I am cheering you on and hoping everything goes as planned. Hopefully some of your worries subside and you can secure housing and employment soon. Thinking about your tooth pain makes my mouth hurt. I had a major tooth issue spanning two continents and nearly a year so I know that pain.


  5. Doug
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 14:43:22

    I like entire sentences and paragraphs! I despise twitter and facebook. So stick around, huh?


  6. fotografzahl
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 18:18:32

    You should keep on blogging, of course!
    The number of visitors is not important IMHO (as long as one doesn’t have financial goals).
    Maintaining a blog is a difficult task I must admit.
    Especially when – as in your case – you put effort in producing text…
    However, the most important thing is how _you_ feel about it. Is your blog a burden, is it cumbersome? Does it consume time that you would like to invest in other things in life?
    Or is it the other way round? Is it an outlet for you? Does blogging make you feel good, is it a positive factor in your life?

    Of course, I’d find it sad if you closed your blog, but my opinion does not count here – it is up to you.


  7. countrybydesign
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 21:32:17

    Hang in there! I do enjoy your blog, although I must confess, I don’t comment as often as I should. I did cheer when you got to Denver, and regret that the rental didn’t work out, and do hope you can get something done about your tooth before it makes you seriously ill. And I do hope you find suitable employment soon! Please do keep blogging for the few of us who lurk around in the shadows without ever showing our faces. I do enjoy your complete sentences and your turn of phrase.


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