Look to the Bayer, Elaine, look to the Bayer.

“Look to the cookie, Elaine, look to the cookie.”

Fans of TV’s “Seinfeld” will recognize the line by Jerry to Elaine in the bakery, where they wait for the lesser cinnamon bobka, as he simplifies the solution to racial tensions while nibbling at the cookie that ultimately ends his longtime non-vomit streak.

That’s the line repeating in my head as I lie {<–not lay, learn the difference!} in bed at 1:30 this afternoon.

I hadn’t a wink of sleep last night. Matter of fact, I lay supine, awake and still as a stiff – or nearly so – save for the very rare and slightest turn of the head from 2 to 6 a.m.

I know this despite avoiding the clock because I know the progression of the late-night radio shows.

Now if you’ve ever been drunk or sickened by food, you’ll know the feeling … the nausea clutching your stomach … toying with you … promising relief if you throw up yet failing to deliver and anyway you hope it won’t happen … nausea that dangles the carrot of slumber yet deprives you of it … deprives you of rest … deprives you of even the merest motion … because any movement stirs the sea you’re desperately wishing to keep calm.

Because let’s face it, throwing up, even when it leaves you feeling better, is no fun. And waiting for it for hours is the worst.

So you hold still and pray for sleep … just sleep it off … god just let me go to sleep …

Yes, that’s me the entire night … through the darkest hours better known as bedtime to most mortals. And you might ask yourself, how did I get here? – to paraphrase David Byrne.

Quite simple, really.

Beer. Approximately four pints, paced through the day and completed well before I hit the hay.

A single meal of black beans and rice and burger patty. Could it have been the meat? Don’t think so, it was cooked thoroughly.

No, I know what it was. The two aspirin taken around midnight for a cracking brain-splitting headache.

Except they’re not aspirin, they’re Ibuprofen.

I should say that like my drugs as much as the next non-addict person but when it comes to pharmaceuticals and OTC stuff, I’m a lightweight. Or a cheap date. And Ibuprofen, taken in my “best” condition, is powerful stuff and many a time has caused stomach distress.

And yet the headache’s intense and insufferable so I take a couple with icy water. And I pay the price. Like Jerry’s black-and-white cookie, my beer-infused stomach and the pair of Ibuprofen are unable to resolve their differences.

And just as dawn’s light is breaking and slumber appears within reach, my belly springs to life and I with it from the bed. I sprint to the bathroom in Olympic time and, well, like Jerry, witness the end to a non-vomit streak.

The suffering’s over. I feel a whole lot better.

I stumble back to bed and finally into slumber.

When I drag myself off the futon around 1:30 midday, I head straight to the medicine cabinet and check. Yup. As I suspected:

Side Effects of Ibuprofen:

Ibuprofen is a Non-Steroidal Anti Inflammatory Drug (NSAID) and may cause stomach bleeding. This risk is increased if you:

* Are over age 60
* Have a history of stomach ulcers or bleeding problems
* Take blood thinners or steroids
* Take other NSAIDs (aspirin, naproxen, ibuprofen or others)
* Drink 3 or more alcoholic beverages every day while taking this medication.

Lesson learned.

Next hangover headache I stick to the good old-fashioned Bayer.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karyn @ kloppenmum
    May 09, 2011 @ 16:47:24

    Hope you’re fully recovered now.


    • allycatadventures
      May 09, 2011 @ 17:06:21

      @Klopp – The stomach took a beating (along with the sleep cycle) so not fully up to speed but feelin’ loads better than 12 hours ago! Plus skipped the “morning” java for soothing chamomile and steering clear of food … ironically on an evening with a potluck, oh the timing! 😉


  2. longeyesamurai
    May 10, 2011 @ 16:38:46

    Maybe it’s something we both caught from… THE INTERNET!
    I’m more a chai person myself when I’m out of whack


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