moment of reflection

Well, well, I’ve stayed mum for a very long time.

Note: I said staying mum, not that I’m the Queen Mum. Cheap humor on a Saturday.

I stopped blogging about being unemployed. About looking for a job and the horrendous experience that it is in this gawd-awful economy and my gawd-forsaken town. It got too depressing writing about the struggle and other things that many, because they’re employed and/or secure, couldn’t really understand.

For me, writing, the immense multidimensional passion and raison d’etre and more that it is, is about so much more than words on a page. It’s about being heard and I’m exquisitely attuned to that. I know when I’ve been heard and when I haven’t and by whom and when I haven’t, I withdraw and fall silent.

Or I step forward and fight. Depends on the situation and person/people and value of the fight and on.

That snippet of honesty serves to preface a rather large statement. I’m going somewhere. That somewhere is still to be determined. That somewhere is as far from this gloomy gray sun-forsaken state as a load of change in my pocket will allow.

That and more for it’s not just about picking up and going. It’s about picking up and going to the right place, whose definition is too personal and spiritual for this posting. I know what defines it and that’s what matters.

Timing. Timing is a fragile and tender and sensitive phenomenon. Like the feathery touch of the earliest spring sun on the hairs of the arm. Like the dancing drop of the final leaf from the tree when winter announces that trees are to be stripped naked of their foilage. Timing is ethereal like that.

You do not argue with cosmic timing. You hone in. You listen to it. You abide by it. You respect it.

Or not. Then all sorts of things get muddled and messed up.

So that is where it’s at. The destination list is down to three or four (itself an achievement). First the place, then the timing.

And that is where it’s at for this girl, 25 months unemployed and fighting with exceptional spirit of survival to make it off and out before this sinking ship that is Tacoma, Pierce County and down the road Washington state goes down.

My words. I hope someone understands. If not, then so be that too for this girl, whatever be the struggle in life and the loneliness inherent in this gift and passion, must write, come what, or who, may.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Raymond
    Sep 25, 2010 @ 13:32:29

    Reads like you’ve some depth to that bit of bold despair. You know…some say the grass ain’t necessarily greener…but you’re my friend. I’ve read your inner turmoil and its pretty clear, you’re ready for a breakout. The world is bigger than fucking Tacoma. Just an opinion…yet gently tendered. 🙂

    Reply

    • allycatadventures
      Sep 25, 2010 @ 20:55:22

      @Raymond – Sometimes the grass ain’t greener, sometimes it is and it’s reasonably certain that it’ll be the latter this go-round. Thanks for sharing your honest opinion/view, it’s always appreciated. 🙂

      Reply

  2. DJ
    Sep 25, 2010 @ 15:08:31

    May the timing (and other good things) be with you. And when it is, may the wind carry you the hell out of that hole.

    Reply

  3. mkirkd
    Sep 25, 2010 @ 17:24:48

    Wow 25 months is a long time to be out of work. I hope the economy take a turn for the better very soon and that you have the job you love.

    Keep writing as you have a great flare for it.

    Reply

    • allycatadventures
      Sep 25, 2010 @ 21:01:19

      @mkirkd – Yep, 25 months and counting. The economy won’t take a turn for the better anytime soon, in fact will only worsen with all the new taxes and increased burdens taking effect in 2011 courtesy of the Obama agenda so there is reason to fear for the country. That said, I’m struggling to get out while I still can before it all swallows me up whole. As for the writing, thank you for the compliment — though I do hope you meant “flair” instead of “flare” unless I need roadside assistance. 😉

      Reply

  4. Country Cinderella
    Sep 25, 2010 @ 21:11:02

    Being a fellow long term unemployed person, I understand your reluctance to talk about it. I hope your timing and circumstance work out so that you do get to go to your chosen location.

    Reply

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