There’s something about Mary. You like Mary (a fictional character for illustrative purposes). But you don’t like her friends.
What to do? This is the quandry in the Vox exodus to these new digs. While initially Vox began as an open, interactive, flowy and cheerful community, over time, especially as it approached its demise, it became a small community of cliques.
Cliques populated chiefly by females and truthfully is there any other kind? By and large females tend to cluster. And clusters of females are damn frightening. Who doesn’t remember that lesson from early school?
Back to Mary. Mary’s in a clique (whether or not she’s aware of it). And I’m the lone outside wolf, which is my place as anyone who knows me will attest. I like Mary, Mary likes me. And I don’t like her friends; a handful are as annoying as hell and I’d simply walk away were it not for the common denominator of Mary.
Question is, do you hang around with a crowd you don’t much like for the one individual you do? There’s no one answer of course. Each situation is unique and colored by its own circumstances and characters.
These matters are percolating as a result of the Vox closure and blogger relocation. A new home, such as WP is, presents a great opportunity to sweep out the old, cleanse the space of cliques, leave behind personalities peripheral and otherwise and begin anew on virgin ground. Sounds simple. It isn’t. Turns out that it wasn’t only Voxers who moved but their cliques too.
Thus the pickle and perennial question amongst nomads, movers and shakers: what to keep and what to discard.
Barefoot Blogger 
Sep 08, 2010 @ 21:47:50
I heard once that you should not have something in your home you do not find to be beautiful or useful. I tried this approach when I moved. I’ve made an attempt to try it now.
Nothing is that simple, is it?
Is it possible for Mary to be a reader and for you to be able to read and comment on her blog without regard to the folks that you don’t care for? Is Mary so involved with them that intention of her blog is dominated by this clique? Will she not be able to separate herself from the group enough to respond to each individual’s interaction separately?
Perhaps it is still early. Many of us (myself included) simply copied and pasted all of my neighbors’ new URL’s into my reader for the time being. I already know there are people I’d like to eliminate once I’ve conquered learning WP. For me, one of the many positive results of Vox shutting down is that I am forced to find ways to keep involved with blogs I am interested in, including those of professional and non-Vox writers. Because I’ve started using Google Reader, I’ve added blogs and sites from across the web that I like to check in on. Having expanded my interactions, I am hoping that I will eventually expand my audience. I have hope that my writing will be targeted to a broader audience than Vox neighbors, and will therefor be improved.
Aaaaaaaaaaand I know I offered no help to you.
Is it terrible that I don’t feel as freaked out by the end of Vox as a lot of other folk seem to be? I’m a little relieved at this point.
Sep 08, 2010 @ 22:52:26
Erin, Thanks for the long and thoughtful comment. You and I are amongst a small minority relieved that Vox closed (you a little relieved and I enormously). That’s aligned with a comment I addressed to readers re: the closure in a prior post: You’re better off whether or not you know it.
Mary is a fictional representation and example of a blogger who presents for me the quandry.
To respond: “Is it possible for Mary to be a reader and for you to be able to read and comment on her blog without regard to the folks that you don’t care for?” — that was possible in the Vox system where if I left a comment on Mary’s blog and Mary responded, her response came directly to my email and, depending on its length, I could read it in its entirety or follow its continuation over at her blog, thereby bypassing the clique.
The WP comments’ notification system is different such that you must subscribe to ALL comments by ALL commenters left at Mary’s blog, even if only to receive Mary’s responses to you.
Note: I do like to read what other commenters say, in theory. In practice, it works out to an enjoyment factor that decreases exponentially to the increase in a blog’s population.
Is any of this making sense to you as a non-WP blogger?!
RE: “Will she not be able to separate herself from the group enough to respond to each individual’s interaction separately?” She can. Some folks are group people, friendly, outgoing, social butterlies and they do respond individually and always return to their group. I on the other hand am a very one-on-one person and rankle at some level at socially popular and populated blogs, which creates part of an ongoing dilemma up for re-examination as Vox ends.
RE: “Perhaps it is still early. Many of us (myself included) simply copied and pasted all of my neighbors’ new URL’s into my reader for the time being. I already know there are people I’d like to eliminate once I’ve conquered learning WP.” I hear ya … and while I was pretty selective in whose URLs I carried over, I knew some wouldn’t last for whatever reasons and that’s fine by me. I culled the ‘hood often at Vox; here on fresh territory, I anticipate continuing that and moreover many new WP faces and in time a marked reduction in Vox faces.
Yeah, isn’t Google Reader terrific?! Overall it sounds like our approaches are similar. While many are clinging to Vox hoods, I’m not. On the contrary, I welcome this opportunity to shed the cliques and crap from Vox and and pursue new opportunities, growth, expansion and new ways of doing things, as you also expressed, available here and elsewhere.
Well, that’s a novelette so I’ll shush now. Thanks again for the thought-provoking message.
P.S. “Aaaaaaaaaaand I know I offered no help to you.” – not true at all! your comment inspired all this in return! 😉
Sep 08, 2010 @ 22:53:56
As you say, there’s no one answer to that, but if you have to put up with 9 annoyances to get to the pleasure of one person’s company, I’d say the odds aren’t good. If the person’s presence or interaction with you is tremendously enriching or fun, that’s a different story, I suppose. I’d be inclined not to put up with it, though. That cost/benefit analysis doesn’t run in Mary’s favor.
Sep 08, 2010 @ 23:21:23
Should come as no surprise that I hear ya loud ‘n’ clear and am of similar mind. Part of the dilemma (of enduring the nine you don’t like for the one you do) lay in Vox’s growing dearth of bloggers, especially regulars. When the desert gives you cacti, you eat cacti because it beats starving. In the end, Vox blogging was a compromising situation and a situation of compromises. WP is a veritable fertile valley of greenery in comparison and presents opportunities to do things differently, hopefully better and to create a more satisfying blogging experience. In time, a Mary or three shall go by the wayside.
Sep 08, 2010 @ 23:27:56
I AM a WP blogger, btw. 🙂
Sep 08, 2010 @ 23:32:21
Yes! You are! Thanks for pointing that out. Why do I have you in my mind as LiveJournal? Have you got a blog there too or am I having another senior moment? Never you mind. It was a senior moment. 🙂
Sep 10, 2010 @ 16:23:35
Hello..Good post..And my two cents..predictably late..I found amusing the content of your view on cliques and the mood controlled..or in some cases..expectations of the individual..people are really beautiful..each one is unique..but humor is great..I know it saves me and makes uncomfortable situations bearable when nothing but time works otherwise..it has been a long few days..Peace Tony
Sep 10, 2010 @ 16:52:54
crying – The observations on cliques weren’t intended to be amusing; if you found them to be so, so be it. Hope your long few days “shorten up.” 😉