I’ve got, errrr, a bone to pick with Portland

The West Coast corridor of California, Oregon and Washington is wildly run amok in political correctness and socialism — and they're, um, growing.

When they're not busy getting into your life, they're getting into your pants. Best to read on … out of Portland, Oregon, this March story by Stefan Kampf that made news here in Washington.

BONER PATROL
SW Portland School Bans Hugs

When West Sylvan Middle School Principal Allison Couch decided to ban hugging on campus earlier this month, she felt like she had exhausted all other options.

"If it's a specific group of kids causing a disruption, you can corral them. But this was pretty pervasive," she says.

Couch sent a memo to school district officials expressing concern about a hugging epidemic at the school, and on March 10 she issued a campus-wide ban on all hugging.

While high-fives may have been the greeting of choice in the past, this year Couch says she became concerned when she noticed boys hugging girls—and not just in a friendly way.

"They were hugging sometimes three, four, five, six times in a four-minute passing period," says Couch.

That's not all she saw.

"There was evidence of arousal in our boys," says Couch. "You could see their little… because most of them wear gym shorts. So I'm like… oh my."

Students are markedly less concerned about the hugging epidemic than the school principal.

Hugging is "natural," according to Kylia Bryan, a student at nearby Cedar Park Middle School in Beaverton. "Whenever I see my friends, it's the natural thing to do," she says. "It's mostly girls hugging girls."

The ban has the school's seventh- and eighth-grade students up in arms. A Facebook page named "Stop the Hug Ban at West Sylvan!!" has nearly 700 members—many of whom don't attend the school.

"Ms. Grouch Couch is probably upset cause no one ever hugs her!" posted student Tom Hilton.

Another student, Robin Bolin, wrote, "How the fuck is a petition on Facebook going to motivate an ancient succubus to un-ban hugging?"

Couch, who is 57, says she has not seen the Facebook page. But she recently came across a New York Times article from last spring about a spate of hugging bans in schools across the country, including a middle school in Bend (Oregon).

Meanwhile, parents think the debate has gotten too much attention.

"The kids have found a way to get a reaction from others and, in this case, even the media," says West Sylvan Parent Teacher Association President Jill Ross. "It is time to let this non-issue go." 

Now a few choice comments from young readers:

“Trying to stop middle school boys from getting boners is like trying to stop [insert something impossible to stop].”

“… By (the principal’s) own admission, she deliberately checks out male students genital areas for "arousal." I think someone ought to call the cops on HER!”

(and my personal fav)

"I want a Boner Patrol teeshirt."

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