Dial M for Murder and WTF for, well, you know …

I’m over at George’s so much, he’s gonna charge me rent.

That would be George of the I-got-a-crappy-phone-and-hafta-go-back-every-other-day cell phone shop.

That's a tad lengthy for his business sign so he calls it George’s cell phones.

About a month ago I got this used Razr. I’ve been back four times always with the same issue: the battery. Either it’s the wrong one entirely — like the one George himself inserted! — or it holds no charge.

Their battery testing is so scientific, a proprietary that I dare not reveal for fear of legal action. All right, I will. They spin it on the glass countertop. Flat means the battery’s good; a slight curvature means it’s been overcharged or overheated.

On my last visit several days ago, young dude Anthony sifts through battery after battery from the drawer marked Motorola, experiments and thinks this one might work. As I'm leaving he tosses in a second for free, "in case that one doesn't work so you don't hafta keep coming back." At home it pops up as "unable to charge." It's useless!

And thus the aggravation continues. One short evening of calls and yet again the battery zonks. Dunno whether it's the battery or the phone; either way, it's a WTF scenario!

So it's back to George's. I'd like to make like Cy Young and give this thing the heave-ho across that shop. That'd void the 30-day exchange policy though. Not that it matters at this rate. I've got six days remaining.

Here's what I tote as I go about my day – phone, spare battery, charger. Notice the battery lying flat.

Dear iPhone: You've nothing to fear from the new kid on the block, the iSuck.

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