Deep-freeze Frost King

Put Frost King in the freezer, slam that door and lock that latch.

Frost King, a unit of Thermwell Products, makes window film insulation — the stuff that resembles Saran Wrap, is attached to frames with double-sided tape and blow-dried for tautness.

My apartment’s nearly 100 years old and the windows are single pane, the frames drafty. The cold damp air whistles and rattles through and the film, which remains up for six months, helps cut the draftiness and retain winter's heat.

I put the film up in December with my characteristic care and meticulousness toward quality work.

Within days, the tape had loosened from one frame and by week's end the other, leaving the film hanging like loose transparent flaps of skin in a slum house. The tape's cheap crap. (I later discovered its a topic in online forums.)

I bought another vendor's double-sided tape with muscle and redid the windows, to success.

I then e-mailed Frost King's customer service to inform on product performance.

Didn’t hear back.

E-mailed again.

Nothing.

E-mailed a third time.

Again, not as much as a courtesy acknowledgment.

So I penned a letter articulating my dissatisfaction with the product, customer service and lack of response and mailed it to the Nevada location, one of two posted on their Web site.

I heard nothing.

I mailed a second letter.

__________.

So I mailed a letter to their other location, seemingly the headquarters in New Jersey.

Zero, nada, zip.

That's six written communications without reply in two months.

So I took it to the Better Business Bureau.

My objective all along has been to obtain a response. In filing the report, to the inquiry on resolution requested, I responded: a written response from Frost King and reimbursement for the kit and additional tape (approximately $10 in total).

(Separate from the BBB action, I also posted product reviews on Amazon and elsewhere.)

Today, four months following the first e-mail, the “resolution” arrived: A white padded envelope containing a small stack of film sheets and rolls of tape. Not in their commercial packaging. Just thrown in. And no letter.

The message: Scraps tossed to a dog. Now shut up.

The product's crap. I've no need or use for it free or otherwise. I can either toss it or return C.O.D. with their expressed consent. Ha! Fat chance!

Prior experience taught that the Better Business Bureau follows up inquiring whether resolution is accepted/achieved (thereby determining whether the case remains open or closed).

It is not. I proceed now according to BBB procedures.

The irony? The writing on Frost King's packaging: Satisfaction guaranteed or we'll refund.

No satisfaction goin' down here …

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