Chase Bank and the Popemobile. Huh?!

So I'm at the bank thinking Popemobile.

My bank's the evil greedy Chase. I detest Chase. I inherited them when they bought out WaMu (Washington Mutual) and obligations bind me, otherwise I'd be history. If and when the day comes that I'm liberated, there'll be raucus merrymaking and champagne!

That said … yesterday I walk into the lobby and immediately notice the change. It's fuckin' impossible not to! 

A solid towering wall of Plexiglass has been erected. It extends along the long curving sweep of the tellers' counters up to the ceiling (or damn near close).

It's imposing, offputting and anyone's guess where behind the thick reflective contraption may stand the tellers.

You know those protective windows with sections that have holes so the parties can communicate, like at movie theaters and train stations?

Not here. Theirs are solid thick (and perhaps designed by NASA). Why? Because, I'm told, bullets can pass through a holy holey section.

"Are all Chase banks getting these?" I yell through a material not even a pick axe in the hands of Mr. Beefy Weightlifter would dent.

"Not all but most."

"So the high-risk locations then?"


Evidently the bank's clued into people coming unglued and desperate in this shit economy.

"And what about the elderly? How will they manage?" I shout. "I feel sorry for them." Even with my healthy hearing, I'm straining and cock my ear into 1/2-inch gap where two segments overlap.

"Some customers say they like the safety."

Imagine now this:

"I'm sorry, did I hear you right?" shouts Joe Customer. "You say my balance is 900 dollars?

"No, sir. That's no dollars."

So much for privacy.

After extended exchanges and viewing the tellers through a shield, I share my conclusion with them: "You know what this is like? Like you're these creatures preserved in a ice glacier … and I'm this archeologist who's discovered fossils!" I gesture like an archeologist excited by the find.

They laugh. Or at least their expressions so indicate.

Now the Popemobile … have you seen it? I did, many moons ago, and guy is well protected in his bulletproof box.

So Chase, Popemobile. Plexiglass. There the commonality begins and ends.

As for Chase wall, I leave thinking brrrrrrrrrrrr … and that before I go back, I'm gonna learn to read lips.

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