The God in Godiva = “Oh God, What Have I Done?”

Take a look at this photo of a present I received on Christmas.

Anything strike you as remarkable? Other than that it's Godiva, a classy and pricey chocolate you'd never find in my home unless it were gifted, as this was.

Look closely. Notice the vacant squares. Notice that exactly 41.6% of the contents … gone! Missing! Vanished!

By me. And me alone. In one day, Christmas.

Now, that figure of 41.6% is misleading. It under-reports actual quantity consumed by me and me alone in one day.

Yes, it's accurate to say I ate 10 of the 24 total pieces, equaling 41.6%.

However, the astute observer will notice that not all the pieces are of identical size. Two of the remaining are humongous. There used to be of those, four giant blobs of glorious chocolate covering crunchy pecan bits and golden gooey caramel.

One of those gargantuan pieces is the equivalent of four small ones.

So, painfully forced to recalculate actual quantity, I, and I alone, consumed 44.44% of the box on Christmas Day. Up from 41.6%.

In one day, I morphed from the girl on the left into the one on the right:

Of course you know that's not me. I wouldn't be caught dead carrying a clutch, never mind one matching the dress.

But it does get the point across. Two days past Christmas and Godiva hasn't crossed these lips. I'm still burning off the sugar.

So if you need your snowy walkways shoveled, the shower regrouted, linoleum laid and walls repainted, all in a day, I'm your girl. The number's (555) SUGAR-HI (784-2744).

Disclaimer: None of my own piggery in any way alters the beauty and value of the gift and the thoughtfulness of the giver.

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