the early bird’s catching the yearly worm – early

The bandwagon will be rolling in any moment.

You know the one. With the reviews and retrospectives of the year ending. Uh, 100 to 1 it becomes a Question of the Day.

No fan of any bandwagon or crowds, I'm pitching in my 2 cents early.

How would I encapsulate 2008? Two sentences:

1. Five years smushed into one.
2. A year to forget. Intentionally.

Any one remember any of this? Sure as hell seems like lifetimes ago.

January: Insane in the Room of Walls on the Endless Noise Road.
February: Loving the new digs! The peace. The honeymoon period with the yet-unrevealed Nazi Queen.

Also: Good god where is the sun? I am starved for natural light. Months and months of gloom and gray and overcast are taking a dangerous toll on my psyche. I could see that in time this may drive me out of this immediate area. Western Washington state: Depression Central. And nation’s highest suicide rate. I get it.

March: My boss-family member dies, skydiving. Life will never ever be the same. (the simplistic sentence to that which i could and would not write.)

April: Trying to cope with his death. Loss and grief. And also now the Nazi Queen who has emerged and delivers pretty toxic blows.

May: She's kicked it up into high gear. Home is not home, it's hell. Her every turn is another slam. I retreat into invisibility to survive.

June: She's out of control. (What a fucking bitch.) I'm officially and wholly in I Do Not Exist mode to appease the cruel god.

One night she comes home and discovers an odor of hardboiled eggs I accidentally overcooked. She storms through the house like if I've committed a heinous crime, flinging open doors for fresh air, attacking and reminding me I'm a piece of shit.

Home Sweet Home.

I don't blog on her 7-page missive of complaints, false accusations and irrational new house rules she's left on the bathroom counter for me to read and follow or face more attacks. I can't disappear enough to make her blows stop.

She recruits the other female roommate to drive me out. I commend them, it's very successful.

Flashing lights reminder: DO NOT LIVE WITH WOMEN AGAIN!

And I'm paying for this abuse?! Time to move. Again.

July: Get me the fuck away from this woman!! She's dangerous and toxic. I spend as much time as possible away from the prison. I'm not sleeping well and having frequent nightmares. I continue intently looking for a new place.

August: Get me out of here!!!!!!!

In an 11th hour-plus-57-minute reprieve, a studio comes through!!!!

I am out out!!! I am free!!!! Free of that horrible woman.

Things are finally on the upswing; I've worked so very hard for this. Key elements are now in positive alignment. Love my living space. The neighborhood. The town. The family and coworkers. My job.

Nine days after moving in: I lose my job

Lightning bolt. Power punch. Gut shock. Never could've or would've seen it coming.

More shock grief and loss on top of shock grief and loss unprocessed from the March death for the lack of sanctuary and safety. Hard to describe the feeling. My back cracks in two and the heart breaks.

September: Look for work.

October: Look for work.

November: Look for work.

Hardship has multiplied exponentially as the economy plunges into recession toward depression.

I go on record with a challenge to the widely-held New Age tenet that it is only and always our thoughts that create our reality. That be truth, that is a whole bunch of people thinking themselves out of jobs — and homes, savings, money. p.s. some new agers need to get real.

December: Still looking for work.

Openings by now have become so scarce, there's little even to apply to (never mind that one opening draws 500 applicants). I privately ponder what  lies ahead and what life may look like in two months.

The year closes with nothing remotely resembling the landscape when it opened.

This has been a rough one. Raw. Bombarding. Too much death (about 15 in total) grief and loss. Some gains. Many blessings. There is much for which I am grateful and in gratitude each and every day, hour and minute.

A simple turn of the page of a calendar does not ensure a recovery, jobs or resolution to times so dark.

As a nation, we've not yet hit bottom. Things will get much worse before they begin improving. Contrary to popular sentiment, Obama is neither savior nor messiah, you're free to think otherwise if it helps. Millions more in the world will lose their jobs. Best place to land one: China. 

After the year's tumult, I dare not speak of what's in store in 2009; no cause to tempt the gods who have branded on this forehead the Chinese curse may you live in interesting times.

To 2008: Goodbye. I'll remember you all my life and vividly though not entirely fondly.
To 2009: A guarded and watchful hello to you and your abundance of:


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