Walk a mile in my shoes. Please.

Take your sporty shoes. Carefully slice between the hard outer sole and soft  inner sole. Insert a thin plate of steel. Patch with Super Bond-o. Put them on. Go.

You're now in my shoes.

A while back I bought these fine New Balance 854 at Ross.

I like Ross prices but the shoe-shopping can be a pain. Some pairs are linked by that plastic locking tie that's just impossible to remove — without my Swiss army knife. That's left in the car. So you end up trying on one shoe at a time and dragging the other behind like a Neanderthal with a clubfoot.

Or there's that honkin' plastic security tag invariably attached at the laces. So if you're lucky enough to be able to squeeze your foot in, it's with considerable pain. And I know that's what I look for when shopping: pain. Well, OK, at the store five miles to the south but today the topic is shoes.

In the store they felt pretty OK. Not so much in the real world. You've been there.

These are cross-training shoes. The Web site describes them as a workhorse shoe. Durable. With the highest level of stability.

And it says so right there on the heel: ROLLBAR.

ROLLBAR® with Medial & Lateral TPU Posts for ultimate motion control.

I don't even know what that means. But it must mean something special with that registered trademark.

Plus there's a bunch of other techie features. When did shoes get so futuristic? I needed only comfy footwear.

These aren't them.

Sure, they're fine when you're standing. Unless you're a corpse propped up in a lab, standing all the time's unlikely. The minute you move, that super-stability registered-trademark ROLLBAR kicks in.

You're no longer walking with that glorious spring and roll in foot gifted to us by Mother Nature. You're walking flat-footed on a plate of steel. When they say stability, they're not kidding.

Plus they're weighty.

God forbid I encounter someone with bad intent. I'm in big trouble. These are not good getaway shoes. These are not good shoes for Tacoma. Hey, I love this town BUT I'm well aware of the dark elements.

Yesterday I found out just how stable and non-speedy these are. I was running late — no pun intended and in these there'll certainly none of that — so I attempted a jog down the sidewalk.

Let's be generous and say I can jog a 10-minute mile. Yesterday it was 20.

And I sounded like a clopping Clydesdale. It's surprising residents didn't poke their heads out to watch the parade.

Unfortunately, these are the only sporty shoes I've got so I'm stuck until I'm employed again.

So in the meantime, I'd appreciate if you'd take a compassionate moment and walk a mile in my shoes. Please. If you can.

* * *

I forget yesterday's Positivities so today there'll be six.

1. "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle." Free on TV. I appreciate a good funny movie.

2. A long afternoon chat with an intelligent bud.

3. Being treated to lunch. I appreciate that any time and especially when unemployed.

4. A call from Carol.

5. A visit with D. & T. Seeing Hooper again is great too.

6. A pint of tasty microbrew. I'm slumming it with Pabst. Yesterday arose the opportunity for a real beer. Like with your first sweetheart, the love doesn't leave, it remains in the background or in this case on hold.

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