They’re tappin’ phone lines, I know that ain’t allowed

I need this Verizon problem like I need a hole in the head.

Or, put another way, where the hell's that bottle of whiskey?!

Next week I deal with Verizon's fraud department. Want to go in prepared. I'm a fair and reasonable person. Wouldn't be right and likely wouldn't help my case either to just dump two full pages of numbers into their lap saying some of these calls I made and some I didn't and figure it out.

A good Boy Scout is always prepared. Even if you're a girl.

So I've been doing my homework. Spent the last two hours painstakingly poring over numbers basically resembling this:

Where the hell's that whiskey — and magnifying glass!?

Down the list I went one by one, eyes straining. Checking each number against the internal records in my phone. Calls Made. Calls Received. Missed Calls. All Calls. And my notebook of job-search contacts.

Those that don't check out I've gone online to google and reverse directories

Which leaves approximately a quarter of my bill with calls that are suspicious. Calls from distant locations with which I have no connection.

Unusual activity like repeated calls bunched together like a jjilted lover stalking someone.

Like one number that showed up online at a myspace page of an 18-year-old girl. I can say with absolute certainty: She did not call me!!

Someone's tappin' phone lines.

To further my investigation, I called a couple suspicious numbers. One was some girl up north — not the myspace girl — who had no idea who I was any more than I knew who she is and didn't recognize my number.

Another number was total dead air. Like some weird fraudulent hookup.

They're tappin' phone lines … I know that ain't allowed.

I've done as much as I humanly can at this point. Next week I take this to the fraud department with the hope and prayer that I get someone fair, reasonable and on the side of an honest person. An iffy call when dealing with a corporate beast.

By the way, Verizon, despite what your guy told me today, it IS possible to tap phone lines!

Grrrrr. Now where is that whiskey??!

One month I've had this phone in my name. One month.

Honestly, I don't need this stress. I'm borderline psychotic as it is. No job. No promising prospects. One interview in nearly two months. I'm losin' it. I'm worried, scared, frantic, panicked, imagining the worst and trying my best to keep on and keep positive. But I'll be honest. I'm a lot more freaking out than I let on. I could really use a fair shake, a kind helping hand from the divine and from Verizon.

Now where the hell's that whiskey?! Oh yeah, downed the last of it in the earlier Verizon shock.

Always thought drinking lent itself well to writing. I've discovered an even greater affiliation: unemployment.

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